Why do I loathe Solo so deeply? It’s not just that it’s a bad movie, though it is.
It’s not just because of the intrusive insertion of <CURRENT THING> politics, though that didn’t help.
It’s not just because of the many trite origin “explainers” the writers put in (The gun! The dice! The name!), those are common to many such movies in the modern day.
They made Lando—LANDO FREAKING CALRISSIAN—into a pervert who has sex with a robot, and not a sexy, organic Number Six Cylon robot, but the metal-and-wires toaster oven L3-37.
(Leet. They called it l337.)
Look at the pictures. HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK. WHERE DOES HE… HOW DOES HE EVEN… no. I’m not burning brain cells thinking about this, because clearly the writers of the movie didn’t.
They turned Lando into a pathetic joke and LAUGHED AT YOU, ME, ALL OF US WHILST DOING SO. It was a character assassination.
I will never forgive the movie for this.
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